With apologies to Arthur Carlson, wild turkeys can fly

NOTE: I wrote the original version of this column back in November 2015. With some revisions, here's a timely column on one of the nation's premier fowls. As Americans, we all have our holiday traditions. I will carve 30 minutes from my schedule to watch one of my favorite holiday sitcom episodes. Not surprisingly, there's an element linked to birds in the episode, which is often cited as one of the most ingenious sitcom episodes in the history of television. The episode is "Turkeys Away" from the first season of WKRP in Cincinnati, a sitcom that aired from 1978 to 1982 and revolved around the antics of the staff of a down-and-out radio station. The episode originally aired Oct. 30, 1978, early in the first season of the series. I especially like that every member of the ensemble cast was woven into the storyline for this classic Thanksgiving episode. The series is such a favorite I own all the seasons on DVD. In the event that there are readers who haven't seen the episode, I'll try to avoid any blatant spoilers. The action involves a radio promotion that, in hindsight, was destined for disaster. The episode unfolds at the perfect pace, finally culminating in a hilarious series of scenes as the promotion backfires in spectacular fashion. I've memorized most of the lines of dialogue, but I still enjoy hearing them delivered by the talented actors Richard Sanders, Loni Anderson, Howard Hesseman and Gordon Jump. Hesseman passed away in 2022 on Jan. 29 at age 81. Frank Bonner, the actor behind sleazy ad rep Herb Tarlek, died June 16, 2021, at age 79. Jump died Sept. 22, 2003, at age 71. Anderson died this year on Aug. 3, two days shy of her 80th birthday. Anderson's character, Jennifer Marlowe, delivers one of my favorite lines while on the phone trying to appease an official outraged by the station's "turkey drop" stunt. "Mister mayor, many turkeys don't make it through Thanksgiving," she says into the phone as the station's staff deals with fallout from the promotional catastrophe. The line perfectly showcases Anderson's comic timing and in-character demeanor. With Anderson's death, the living cast members now consist of Gary Sandy, Jan Smithers, Richard Sanders and Tim Reid. In the Thanksgiving episode it's Jump who gets the pivotal line with his perfectly delivered, "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!" That classic line provides my segue into the subject of this week's column, which is America's wild turkey. I sometimes wonder if my favorite episode of WKRP, which first aired 47 years ago, has had some influence in persuading many people that turkeys cannot fly. It's a widely held misconception that the wild turkey cannot fly. The turkey is perfectly capable of flying at speeds up to 55 miles per hour, but they often prefer to walk and run over the ground. They're good sprinters, in fact, and can reach a running speed of 25 miles per hour. Turkeys can even swim! On the other hand, the domesticated barnyard turkey is a fowl of a completely different kind than its wild cousin. Although the wild turkey — the largest of North America's game birds — can weigh as much as 37 pounds, it's the domestic turkey that holds the record as a heavyweight. The largest domestic turkey on record tipped the scales at 86 pounds. That bird certainly could have provided an ample banquet for your Thanksgiving meal. Domestic turkeys are bred to be big, which means they are incapable of flight and are also poor runners. Of course, these domestic kin of wild turkeys don't face a gauntlet of predators. I remember the first time that I observed wild turkeys in flight. I was driving near Persimmon Ridge Park in Jonesborough, Tennessee, when about a dozen large, dark birds flew across the road just above the roof of my vehicle. I was definitely perplexed as my mind worked to figure out the identity of these birds. I had almost settled on vultures — although the flight pattern had been all wrong — when I saw that some of these flyers had landed in a field adjacent to the road. On the ground, they were easily recognized as wild turkeys. In addition to watching my Thanksgiving episode of "WKRP in Cincinnati" I may also take a drive to see if I can't spy some wild turkeys in the countryside. If they take flight, that would be a bonus! ••• Bryan Stevens has written about birds, birders and birding since 1995. Email him at ahoodedwarbler @aol.com to share sightings, ask questions or make comments.